The dash after the title of the blog means, hopefully.
We got to 25 liters of stem cells/plasma taken today. The estimates for that mean that I probably won't have to come back tonight for another injection or tomorrow -- I may be done with collection. I will know for sure when they call me in a few hours, but for now -- HOORAY!
We have to enjoy our little victories. :)
As I was in the bathroom washing my hands, waiting to go back and get hooked up to the machine, I looked at my face in the mirror, and I realized that none of the tingling flesh crawling sensations or tremors in my fingers, feet face, and head were visible. I didn't look too bad looking out from the mirror. You also could not see the anxiety and concerns I have about the upcoming transplant or thoughts about my future and my family.
It reminded me of the many times that people look shocked when they hear I have cancer. They inevitably say, "But you look great." And I think there is a lesson in there.
None of us is what we appear to be on the outside. Sometimes what is going on inside of us breaks through and becomes visible. Therapists are more used to this, and our training helps us to notice the small signs of things going on inside, but for the most part, we are all full of complex things -- illnesses, hopes dreams, fears, pain, and faith -- that you can't see from the outside. For me, it also reminded me of the false separation we make between "physical health" and "mental health". I have gone through an intensely "medical" experience today, but it doesn't show on the outside just as patients suffering through anxiety, depression, or many other "mental" conditions, and neither does my cancer.
We need to be kinder to each other, to recognize and accept that what we see on the outside is not necessarily a good reflection of what we "get" on the inside.
Anyway, I'm hopeful for a good phone call in a little bit and some more time to rest and prepare for transplant. My love to you all.